I did the unthinkable. I dared to touch the Blond and he did not flinch.
It was my friend Delia's sweet 16 last night and it was a long day. I was up at 5.30 to go to a debate tournament (surprise, I'm back on!) and my partner Joseph and I did okay, 3 and 1 because we got judge screwed. The Blond and the Best Friend got 3rd though which is cool. On the bus ride back The Best Friend took a nose dive as she thought of her beloved gentleman in India but she cheered up and fell asleep in the Blonde's arms and I watched them and thought to myself, "God, I just cant like him. I can't do it after everything that happened between them" As I retreated into myself, The Blond turned and gave me a heart breakingly sweet smile and I couldn't help but smile back and disregard my thoughts of giving up on him. As we pulled into the school, I quickly made my exit with the Best friend with promises to meet the Blond at the party.
The party was hosted at a local hotel and I couldn't help but notice how good the blond looked, dressed in well cut clothes. He smiled approvingly at my purple dress, possibly stunned at seeing me in a dress or anything cut above the knee. The Best Friend was a vision in blue-grey satin with an empire waist and a smile and we entered together, although he was crashing the party and sober. We suffered through the sentiments and stupid inside jokes, observed people and The Blond was upset over the music and the incessant freak dancing. He danced eventually though, and they played some salsa/cha-cha (Delia's Filipino) and we danced, one on one. I have the fortune of taking salsa lessons and being Cuban and Mexican and can dance to Latin music, and his parents are big on the arts and at some point forced hm to take dancing lessons. We knew what we were doing as we picked up on each other's rhythm and people stole glances at us and whispered. It's hard for me to look up when I dance and I focused on the movement and his hand laced through mine but I stole glances upward and found he was always looking at me. We just kept dancing, occasionally interrupted by The Best Friend, no longer focused on a specific step or beat but just us, my hands on his waist or his on mine, facing each other or else just almost holding hands.
We stopped for a while and The Blond went to get a drink and The Best Friend and I were alone at our table. I had already been harassed by my cousin and many others as to what was going on between myself and the Blond. The Best Friend looked at me in the eye and said "You two just need to get together already" I nearly had a heart attack and pointed out she was the one who set him off limits. She claimed not to remember such a thing and gave me her blessing, despite the fact that the Blond has a girlfriend.
Then we got the best friend to dance with her very cute debate partner and then we all stopped and got separated and I spotted the Blonde's back running outside. Alarmed by his pace, I followed and found the Best Friend crying in his arms. I spoke to her in low, soft Spanish (our language of choice when speaking of emotional stuff) and it finally came out that she was upset she was trying for other guys while her love wasn't there. Then SexyBack came on, a song the Blond had dared me to request, and he grabbed my hand and we bolted to the dance floor. I felt bad about leaving her but loved dancing with him. I have the unfortunate shoulder structure of a former swimmer and color guard trainer and cant support shoulder straps for some reason, they always seem to slide off. The Blond however noticed when I didn't and wordlessly slid his hand up my arm and gently put in back into place. He looked at me and smiled and we kept dancing and the Best Friend came, feeling better, and made the executive decision to let us dance.
At the end, he swept me into a hug and I inhaled whatever he smelled like. The mirror in his hands dropped and it struck me as a bad omen, but he defended me and took the blame when everyone said it was my fault
He was amazing and told me I was a great dancer.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Coups and Blonds
As I mentioned previously, I am an editor of an independent school magazine, The Blond and The Ex boyfriend alongside me. However, The Ex has been allowed to edit a major part of our first few papers and what he was producing was substandard at best. The Blond persuaded me that The Ex's time had past and he needed to have less authority. He was right of course, but I was scared to wield the axe. Regardless, we did the patriotic thing and staged a democratic coup, an effort to get him away from power but still as a writer. All the while the ex attacked me brutally, accusing me of attacking him. However the Blond did the remarkable and defended me. I was touched and The Ex was off the editorial board.
Speaking of the Ex, he's currently dating the girl he went to in order to get over me. I shat bricks when I saw them kissing, but my second thought was somewhere along the lines of "Wow, this was inevitable"
Last Saturday, things with the blond went....somewhere. He called me around 5.30 pm and asked me to got to a gallery with him at a local college. I schemed to go and we went. The gallery sucked (I'd like to point out that I do have an inordinate amount of experience with modern and classical art for a 15 year old) However, he was the faultless gentlemen, opening doors, offering to buy me drinks. We walked back to his house and he offered to walk me home but we had no way to explain why we walked home without us getting in trouble. So we hung out in his room for 3 hours while his parents were at a movie. I can understand why this sounds bad, girl and boy, unsupervised in a bedroom? If this were a teen movie, we'd be on the bed in the throes of a passionate make out. We just talked and laughed and he sang and he has a beautiful voice, rich, clear and strong. We sang together. He talked about his childhood in Russia and Germany, his insecurities, drugs and exes. It would be untruthful of me to admit we had a few tense moments (don't confuse awkward with tense) us, standing close, eye to eye.... But he is so untouchable. He's dating a girl I introduced him to and, although it's a virtual Internet relationship, he likes a lot. Not to mention the Best Friend factor. Woe betide me and Heaven help me if she found out anything was going on between us.
Will something happen between us? We almost seem too compatible not to. The subtle touches on the arm and back, the brushed hands and knees. He pays more attention to me now more than ever. Why do I get the feeling his interest isn't strictly professional? Or is that just my subconscious nagging at me?
I can't touch him but I'm not sure whether or not I want to.
Speaking of the Ex, he's currently dating the girl he went to in order to get over me. I shat bricks when I saw them kissing, but my second thought was somewhere along the lines of "Wow, this was inevitable"
Last Saturday, things with the blond went....somewhere. He called me around 5.30 pm and asked me to got to a gallery with him at a local college. I schemed to go and we went. The gallery sucked (I'd like to point out that I do have an inordinate amount of experience with modern and classical art for a 15 year old) However, he was the faultless gentlemen, opening doors, offering to buy me drinks. We walked back to his house and he offered to walk me home but we had no way to explain why we walked home without us getting in trouble. So we hung out in his room for 3 hours while his parents were at a movie. I can understand why this sounds bad, girl and boy, unsupervised in a bedroom? If this were a teen movie, we'd be on the bed in the throes of a passionate make out. We just talked and laughed and he sang and he has a beautiful voice, rich, clear and strong. We sang together. He talked about his childhood in Russia and Germany, his insecurities, drugs and exes. It would be untruthful of me to admit we had a few tense moments (don't confuse awkward with tense) us, standing close, eye to eye.... But he is so untouchable. He's dating a girl I introduced him to and, although it's a virtual Internet relationship, he likes a lot. Not to mention the Best Friend factor. Woe betide me and Heaven help me if she found out anything was going on between us.
Will something happen between us? We almost seem too compatible not to. The subtle touches on the arm and back, the brushed hands and knees. He pays more attention to me now more than ever. Why do I get the feeling his interest isn't strictly professional? Or is that just my subconscious nagging at me?
I can't touch him but I'm not sure whether or not I want to.
Monday, January 12, 2009
The Blond and The Christian.
Following the day at the village, I was supposed to meet The Christian and The Blond's Girlfriend and a Few others from their school, along with the best Friend.
We were at a skating rink, something not typical for our generation, and I couldn't stop flirting. The Christian recoiled like I had a fatal case of Leprosy. I was horrified by myself but, like a train wreck, I couldn't seem to stop and it got progressively worse.
I was still very upset about it but he's called me twice this week just to talk, so I guess it's not completely screwed up...
It's pathetic how much I like him. He caught my eye in a debate round last year and we've double teamed since, whenever we can. We've gotten ridiculously close to kissing, but someone always walks into the quad! My circumstances are terrible in this respect! *bangs head against wall*
very frustrating.
Speaking of frustrations, The Blond is very strange lately. This Sunday, I went to the debate tournament because I had labored for 12 hours on Saturday *tries to smite English teacher* (no God complex there...) and wanted to see my friends and perhaps fix my stupidity with The Christian. They decided to go to lunch but in in this world, where there is a massive void of personal responsibility, their coach couldn't drive anyone who was not from our school. So the Blond turns to me and asks if I want to go to lunch with him and I say yes. We walked to Trader Joe's and he's a gentlemen and we split a massive bottle of green tea. We sit on a bench and talk with surprising ease, no awkward silences. I'm reluctant to go, but have to go to my perfect cousin's birthday party (like me, she's not a celebratory person). Once at school though, I've discovered The Best Friend as inadvertently locked my scooter in a room with a round going on in it.
Oops.
Either way, The Blond and I enter the quad and the Best Friend looks at us with a strange expression and when I get my scooter back he politely asks to accompany me home for at least part of the way and I smile and say okay. His blond hair glints in the southern California sun and we agree, it's too damn hot for January. It's almost obscene. He hugs me when I leave.
Today I had to go to a math review session and I ran into him after, we walk home again and he makes awkwardly complimentary comments. At lunch he was paying attention to me. He is off limits though. You can't date your friends ex-love when he never loved her back, especially when you ask her about him and she gets defensive.
We were at a skating rink, something not typical for our generation, and I couldn't stop flirting. The Christian recoiled like I had a fatal case of Leprosy. I was horrified by myself but, like a train wreck, I couldn't seem to stop and it got progressively worse.
I was still very upset about it but he's called me twice this week just to talk, so I guess it's not completely screwed up...
It's pathetic how much I like him. He caught my eye in a debate round last year and we've double teamed since, whenever we can. We've gotten ridiculously close to kissing, but someone always walks into the quad! My circumstances are terrible in this respect! *bangs head against wall*
very frustrating.
Speaking of frustrations, The Blond is very strange lately. This Sunday, I went to the debate tournament because I had labored for 12 hours on Saturday *tries to smite English teacher* (no God complex there...) and wanted to see my friends and perhaps fix my stupidity with The Christian. They decided to go to lunch but in in this world, where there is a massive void of personal responsibility, their coach couldn't drive anyone who was not from our school. So the Blond turns to me and asks if I want to go to lunch with him and I say yes. We walked to Trader Joe's and he's a gentlemen and we split a massive bottle of green tea. We sit on a bench and talk with surprising ease, no awkward silences. I'm reluctant to go, but have to go to my perfect cousin's birthday party (like me, she's not a celebratory person). Once at school though, I've discovered The Best Friend as inadvertently locked my scooter in a room with a round going on in it.
Oops.
Either way, The Blond and I enter the quad and the Best Friend looks at us with a strange expression and when I get my scooter back he politely asks to accompany me home for at least part of the way and I smile and say okay. His blond hair glints in the southern California sun and we agree, it's too damn hot for January. It's almost obscene. He hugs me when I leave.
Today I had to go to a math review session and I ran into him after, we walk home again and he makes awkwardly complimentary comments. At lunch he was paying attention to me. He is off limits though. You can't date your friends ex-love when he never loved her back, especially when you ask her about him and she gets defensive.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Things Fall Apart
While reading that classic novel by Achebe in English, the title could just as easily apply to my love life.
The Boyfriend is now the Ex-Boyfriend.
Truth is, I've been planning to rid myself of this relationship for quite some time now. Why? Because the boy is like a Shih zu from a puppy mill, meaning he is:
1.neurotic
2.insists upon constant attention and affection, lest he get whinier than he is already
3.Unstable
4.refuses to take the lead
5.far too desirous of getting his hooked nose into my past
6.arrogant and condescending
OK, I'll admit the last 3 traits do not pertain to an unstable puppy, but my point is made.
Interestingly enough, it was not my insufferable inability to stop being an ice queen and express my emotions (something I dislike doing), although that may have been a factor. The final catalyst was in fact a friend whom I will call The Christian, simply because he is very passionate about his faith. The Ex-Boyfriend knew I liked The Christian for quite a while, and asked me if I had a thing for him. I responded, knowing that this may very well break 'us', "He's attractive, fascinating and we get along very well but it's not going to happen anytime soon" and like that, it was over. He wasn't willing to wait for him to return my affections, to be my stand-by boyfriend.
I couldn't help but be pleased, he was out of my romantic life and I was free to fantasize about the Christian (for every major fight we had prior to the break up [and these were very frequent] I couldn't help but think about the best guy for me, and his face always flitted to the surface)
The next day however, he proved that I had made a grave mistake in dating him, calling me "a bad girlfriend" and denying anything we had, saying that a friend of ours was correct in saying that our relationship was 'physically based'. It seems a persons character is truly revealed at their lowest times. He blamed me entirely (I will admit I was not blameless) This will be one very ugly break up.
Today however, was wonderful. The Best Friend and I schemed and lied our way into seeing The Gentleman and The Christian in the village today (village=downtown area) We meandered our way through the area, stopping to get coffee. The Christian looked really good though, short blond-brown hair and green-blue eyes (I may write another post to tell my non-existent readers of how we met) and a black t-shirt. The Gentlemen wore his usual attire of khakis and a white button down shirt (He's definitely from Victorian England, a relic of the past). Either way, The Christian and I flirted endlessly and we slipped behind the Gentlemen and Best Friend, seeking to give them privacy. I poked him and he grabbed my hand,
and laced his fingers through mine
squeezed my hand slightly
and slipped away.
I should have held on.
The Boyfriend is now the Ex-Boyfriend.
Truth is, I've been planning to rid myself of this relationship for quite some time now. Why? Because the boy is like a Shih zu from a puppy mill, meaning he is:
1.neurotic
2.insists upon constant attention and affection, lest he get whinier than he is already
3.Unstable
4.refuses to take the lead
5.far too desirous of getting his hooked nose into my past
6.arrogant and condescending
OK, I'll admit the last 3 traits do not pertain to an unstable puppy, but my point is made.
Interestingly enough, it was not my insufferable inability to stop being an ice queen and express my emotions (something I dislike doing), although that may have been a factor. The final catalyst was in fact a friend whom I will call The Christian, simply because he is very passionate about his faith. The Ex-Boyfriend knew I liked The Christian for quite a while, and asked me if I had a thing for him. I responded, knowing that this may very well break 'us', "He's attractive, fascinating and we get along very well but it's not going to happen anytime soon" and like that, it was over. He wasn't willing to wait for him to return my affections, to be my stand-by boyfriend.
I couldn't help but be pleased, he was out of my romantic life and I was free to fantasize about the Christian (for every major fight we had prior to the break up [and these were very frequent] I couldn't help but think about the best guy for me, and his face always flitted to the surface)
The next day however, he proved that I had made a grave mistake in dating him, calling me "a bad girlfriend" and denying anything we had, saying that a friend of ours was correct in saying that our relationship was 'physically based'. It seems a persons character is truly revealed at their lowest times. He blamed me entirely (I will admit I was not blameless) This will be one very ugly break up.
Today however, was wonderful. The Best Friend and I schemed and lied our way into seeing The Gentleman and The Christian in the village today (village=downtown area) We meandered our way through the area, stopping to get coffee. The Christian looked really good though, short blond-brown hair and green-blue eyes (I may write another post to tell my non-existent readers of how we met) and a black t-shirt. The Gentlemen wore his usual attire of khakis and a white button down shirt (He's definitely from Victorian England, a relic of the past). Either way, The Christian and I flirted endlessly and we slipped behind the Gentlemen and Best Friend, seeking to give them privacy. I poked him and he grabbed my hand,
and laced his fingers through mine
squeezed my hand slightly
and slipped away.
I should have held on.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
A text from the Boyfriend
"Miranda, I don't know what I can say or do to make you apparently stop hating yourself. I know you're smart and beautiful and ambitious and could do all kinds of shit. I'm willing to keep telling you over and over because I love you. But you really can't be happy until you believe in yourself. Goodnight"
Contrary to the evidence, I am not obsessed with the Boyfriend and I have serious doubts if love even exists. It would seem the Boyfriend is the romantic one in the two-month old relationship .(Yes, a 15 year old in a two month old relationship with his best friend is in love.)
Most things with my little realm of existence that go wrong are my fault and I'm really not all that spectacular and yes, I do sort of hate myself. Shit happens. My past? Yeah, it wasn't terribly pleasant however, a lot of people I know make my past seem like Heaven.
I can deal with self loathing. It keeps irony alive.
Contrary to the evidence, I am not obsessed with the Boyfriend and I have serious doubts if love even exists. It would seem the Boyfriend is the romantic one in the two-month old relationship .(Yes, a 15 year old in a two month old relationship with his best friend is in love.)
Most things with my little realm of existence that go wrong are my fault and I'm really not all that spectacular and yes, I do sort of hate myself. Shit happens. My past? Yeah, it wasn't terribly pleasant however, a lot of people I know make my past seem like Heaven.
I can deal with self loathing. It keeps irony alive.
Jealousy, Turning Saints into the Sea....
While I recognize the tackiness of quoting a song as the title, I don't actually give a damn.
OK, So my best friend has adored a rather charming and intelligent druggie for quite some time and she quite obviously fell for the wrong person (While I don't necessarily approve of 'falling' or believe it's an unwilling thing, I still horrify myself with this cliche) and yes, he's also quite good looking and happens to be on the editorial board with the Boyfriend and I. (I shall call this gentleman The Blond). This however, is not my point. What it actually is is that The Boyfriend is jealous of him. While the Boyfriend was in fact at one point one of my best friends and I knew he'd get jealous, this is obscene. The Boyfriend is apologetic and thinks the two of us will conspire and overthrow him on the paper and in our personal lives and be a power house couple, after all, he's so smart and built and handsome.
Right.
Also my Best Friend has hinted at her suspicions. I told her to make a club with the Boyfriend and she grimly replied that she might.
Yes, the Blond and I work together and yes, we work very well together. Deal.
However this is just the main focus of the Boyfriend's jealousies. The other focuses include most men I come into contact with however, he has a particular focus on the Blond. The Boyfriend has always been highly apologetic and reluctant to even share this, after all, his random bursts of paranoia will hurt 'us' and he just doesn't want to screw 'us' up, after he's in love with the girl who claims she shot romance in the forehead.
What a lovely couple we make.
OK, So my best friend has adored a rather charming and intelligent druggie for quite some time and she quite obviously fell for the wrong person (While I don't necessarily approve of 'falling' or believe it's an unwilling thing, I still horrify myself with this cliche) and yes, he's also quite good looking and happens to be on the editorial board with the Boyfriend and I. (I shall call this gentleman The Blond). This however, is not my point. What it actually is is that The Boyfriend is jealous of him. While the Boyfriend was in fact at one point one of my best friends and I knew he'd get jealous, this is obscene. The Boyfriend is apologetic and thinks the two of us will conspire and overthrow him on the paper and in our personal lives and be a power house couple, after all, he's so smart and built and handsome.
Right.
Also my Best Friend has hinted at her suspicions. I told her to make a club with the Boyfriend and she grimly replied that she might.
Yes, the Blond and I work together and yes, we work very well together. Deal.
However this is just the main focus of the Boyfriend's jealousies. The other focuses include most men I come into contact with however, he has a particular focus on the Blond. The Boyfriend has always been highly apologetic and reluctant to even share this, after all, his random bursts of paranoia will hurt 'us' and he just doesn't want to screw 'us' up, after he's in love with the girl who claims she shot romance in the forehead.
What a lovely couple we make.
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