Things Fall Apart

While reading that classic novel by Achebe in English, the title could just as easily apply to my love life.



The Boyfriend is now the Ex-Boyfriend.



Truth is, I've been planning to rid myself of this relationship for quite some time now. Why? Because the boy is like a Shih zu from a puppy mill, meaning he is:

1.neurotic

2.insists upon constant attention and affection, lest he get whinier than he is already

3.Unstable

4.refuses to take the lead

5.far too desirous of getting his hooked nose into my past

6.arrogant and condescending



OK, I'll admit the last 3 traits do not pertain to an unstable puppy, but my point is made.

Interestingly enough, it was not my insufferable inability to stop being an ice queen and express my emotions (something I dislike doing), although that may have been a factor. The final catalyst was in fact a friend whom I will call The Christian, simply because he is very passionate about his faith. The Ex-Boyfriend knew I liked The Christian for quite a while, and asked me if I had a thing for him. I responded, knowing that this may very well break 'us', "He's attractive, fascinating and we get along very well but it's not going to happen anytime soon" and like that, it was over. He wasn't willing to wait for him to return my affections, to be my stand-by boyfriend.

I couldn't help but be pleased, he was out of my romantic life and I was free to fantasize about the Christian (for every major fight we had prior to the break up [and these were very frequent] I couldn't help but think about the best guy for me, and his face always flitted to the surface)



The next day however, he proved that I had made a grave mistake in dating him, calling me "a bad girlfriend" and denying anything we had, saying that a friend of ours was correct in saying that our relationship was 'physically based'. It seems a persons character is truly revealed at their lowest times. He blamed me entirely (I will admit I was not blameless) This will be one very ugly break up.



Today however, was wonderful. The Best Friend and I schemed and lied our way into seeing The Gentleman and The Christian in the village today (village=downtown area) We meandered our way through the area, stopping to get coffee. The Christian looked really good though, short blond-brown hair and green-blue eyes (I may write another post to tell my non-existent readers of how we met) and a black t-shirt. The Gentlemen wore his usual attire of khakis and a white button down shirt (He's definitely from Victorian England, a relic of the past). Either way, The Christian and I flirted endlessly and we slipped behind the Gentlemen and Best Friend, seeking to give them privacy. I poked him and he grabbed my hand,

and laced his fingers through mine

squeezed my hand slightly

and slipped away.

I should have held on.

A text from the Boyfriend

"Miranda, I don't know what I can say or do to make you apparently stop hating yourself. I know you're smart and beautiful and ambitious and could do all kinds of shit. I'm willing to keep telling you over and over because I love you. But you really can't be happy until you believe in yourself. Goodnight"

Contrary to the evidence, I am not obsessed with the Boyfriend and I have serious doubts if love even exists. It would seem the Boyfriend is the romantic one in the two-month old relationship .(Yes, a 15 year old in a two month old relationship with his best friend is in love.)

Most things with my little realm of existence that go wrong are my fault and I'm really not all that spectacular and yes, I do sort of hate myself. Shit happens. My past? Yeah, it wasn't terribly pleasant however, a lot of people I know make my past seem like Heaven.

I can deal with self loathing. It keeps irony alive.

Jealousy, Turning Saints into the Sea....

While I recognize the tackiness of quoting a song as the title, I don't actually give a damn.

OK, So my best friend has adored a rather charming and intelligent druggie for quite some time and she quite obviously fell for the wrong person (While I don't necessarily approve of 'falling' or believe it's an unwilling thing, I still horrify myself with this cliche) and yes, he's also quite good looking and happens to be on the editorial board with the Boyfriend and I. (I shall call this gentleman The Blond). This however, is not my point. What it actually is is that The Boyfriend is jealous of him. While the Boyfriend was in fact at one point one of my best friends and I knew he'd get jealous, this is obscene. The Boyfriend is apologetic and thinks the two of us will conspire and overthrow him on the paper and in our personal lives and be a power house couple, after all, he's so smart and built and handsome.

Right.

Also my Best Friend has hinted at her suspicions. I told her to make a club with the Boyfriend and she grimly replied that she might.

Yes, the Blond and I work together and yes, we work very well together. Deal.

However this is just the main focus of the Boyfriend's jealousies. The other focuses include most men I come into contact with however, he has a particular focus on the Blond. The Boyfriend has always been highly apologetic and reluctant to even share this, after all, his random bursts of paranoia will hurt 'us' and he just doesn't want to screw 'us' up, after he's in love with the girl who claims she shot romance in the forehead.

What a lovely couple we make.

Life is a Folly.

Since I've deleted all my posts, I may as well start off with an introduction. Obviously Miranda is a fake name, I'd like to think I'm not so insipid to post under my real name.

The picture included is me though. Oh yes, aren't I so very fierce? That was taken...yesterday.

I'm known to be quite sarcastic, though I've really no idea where THAT comes from. *sarcasm drips of previous statement and onto the floor*

moving along... I suppose this is the part where I'm supposed to mention my personal life though. Yes, I have a secret British boyfriend (and no, this is actually true.) and my friends do drugs but i don't. My luck sucks and I'll probably be the one who gets so high, they jump in front of the bus thinking it's a magical Caterpillar whom wants to give me a hug.

Yes, I'm secretive.
Yes, I'm very cynical.

I also like to hike and cook, proof the Boyfriend says, I'm not THAT bad.

Oh yes, the Boyfriend says he loves me, that I have self esteem issues, and that I'm oh-so smart and beautiful. Most people would agree with the 'smart' end of that statment, however the naive high schoolers I hang out with mistake being both visceral and charming as genuine wit.

I'm also the editor of an independent school newspaper, uncensored of course. I'm now a defunct member of the debate team (defunct because it seems my parents are displeased with my grade in math. Hooray Geometry!) I am also in AP world history, in which I currently have a 89.7% and Honors English, in which I have an A and I'm a year ahead in spanish, in which I have a B. I play chess, lie well and thus excel at card games. I prefer most books to people, so I really lack a legitamite social life.

Miranda's grades:
Spanish 3: B
English: A
Chemistry: B (dissapointing considering I had an A all last year in biology)
Geometry: D or C (This has never been my strong suit)
AP world: B, but it's weighted in my GPA as an A
Choir: A+

I have a cousin in the same grade and she's the golden child. Straight A's, athletic and very pretty too. She'd be easier to hate if she wasn't so nice.

ah well, life is a folly.